Today’s Quote:
“At its best, Christmas is a mirror in which we see reflected the very best life can be. Where we see ourselves moved by generosity, inspired by hope, and uplifted by love, not only for ourselves but for the whole evolving universe.”
Bruce Sanguin
Reviews:
A Christmas Prince: A Royal Baby (2019, Netflix): Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.
The third installment in the Christmas Prince franchise is easily the most deranged and unhinged film in the series to date, with former New Yorker/“journalist” Amber, now Queen of Aldovia, expecting her first child with her husband Richard the King. I will not bore you with the finer details of this movie since I have many questions (see below), but the short and sweet of it is that Amber is about to give birth while Richard needs to re-sign a 100-year contract with the Kingdom of Penglia, a longtime ally of Aldovia’s. The contract is stolen, there is mention of ghosts, there is a marriage proposal and no one dies. There, you’ve basically seen the movie. Now onto my questions:
Question #1: Where did Richard and Amber go on their honeymoon?
The first minutes of the movie are used to recap Amber and Richard’s story since the second film ended, with Amber getting kidnapped and tortured against her will (kidnap and torture not mentioned or depicted, but her new haircut is clearly a symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder that cannot be explained otherwise). In her voiceover, Amber mentions a delightful honeymoon she and her new husband took and….
They honeymooned on a computer screen-saver. How is that even possible? Did Netflix run out of budget styling Amber’s hair? WE NEED ANSWERS!
Question #2: Can King Richard read?
Now I don’t remember the first two Christmas Prince movies (because I don’t hate myself), but I do remember some scenes where Richard was “looking” at papers but never finding anything until Amber came along to help. I believe the answer as to why is revealed in this third installment, as Richard attempts to make a simple crib by himself. He continues to fail at this experiment for reasons unknown, as King he could very easily get a custom crib made and shipped directly to the castle, or simply build one himself (Ikea instructions really aren’t that complicated), yet…
THAT is the directions manual for making the crib! THAT IS NOT A MANUAL FOR BUILDING A CRIB! THAT IS A NOVEL! It is clear that Richard cannot read, and so grabbed the nearest book-like item in his attempt to hide his illiteracy from his “journalist” wife/Queen. Another startling fact is that the King of Penglia ALSO cannot read, as he attempts to help Richard build the crib using “directions” from this “manual”, which they fail at - because they cannot read and that is not a manual for building a crib. Is this insightful commentary on the status of the American school system, and do Richard and the King of Penglia represent its failings?
Question #3: What exactly is the justice system in Aldovia?
I had just recently watched Amazon Prime’s new movie “The Report” on the CIA torture practices and immediately after watching the third Christmas Prince I felt uneasy at the similarities. Towards the end of the film (Christmas Prince, not The Report), the elderly dowager Queen and Richard’s sister Princess Emily are trapped in the dungeons by an unknown assailant. While attempting to free themselves, they come across this disturbing message:
You’ll of course remember that in the second movie (A Christmas Prince: A Royal Wedding) Leopold was an Aldovian Lord who committed fraud against the government and who was caught and sent to the dungeons. I assumed (naively) that “sent to the dungeons” was an adorable metaphor for the state prisons and not LITERALLY WHERE LEOPOLD WAS SENT TO LIVE AND DIE. Was he being held there against his will, without right to counsel? Did he go before a judge to set bail? How long was he held in a DUNGEON for? He was clearly imprisoned long enough to carve his NAME into the STONE WALLS, so it seems that the Aldovian justice system is truly medieval, not unlike certain dictatorships in the present day. A horrifying thought.
Question #4: In what reality do the Christmas Prince movies live relative to “The Princess Switch”?
Follow me on this. In the original “Princess Switch” movie, Vanessa Hudgens’ character is a baker who travels to the land of Belgravia where she discovers she is doppelgänger to the reigning Princess, and they SWITCH places and hijinks ensue. In that movie, there is a scene where Netflix is on a TV and an image for the first “Christmas Prince” is shown, suggesting that in the world of Princess Switch, “Christmas Prince” is a Netflix movie that people can watch, similar to our own world.
HOWEVER.
In the third “Christmas Prince”, there is a scene where Amber and Richard are getting a (verbal, for Richard’s sake) history lesson on the special relationship between Aldovia and Penglia and are shown this map:
YOU SEE THAT? BELGRAVIA EXISTS AS A COUNTRY IN THE CHRISTMAS PRINCE UNIVERSE! There are only two possible theories:
1) Similar to Netflix’s “The Crown”, “A Christmas Prince” is a Netflix series on the trials and tribulations of Amber and Richard and their descendants. It stands to reason that similar to “The Crown”, these movies depict scenes from the past (Amber and Richard’s younger and happier years) and “A Princess Switch” exists in the present, where Richard and Amber are elderly monarchs, watching their beloved country descend into chaos with dread and horror.
2) There is a shared multi-verse of all of Netflix’s original Christmas movies. Aldovia both exists as a movie in the world of “Princess Switch”, AND Belgravia exists as a real country in the world of “Christmas Prince” because they occur in different universes, all interconnected by the almighty Netflix. This theory also makes sense when you consider that in “A Knight Before Christmas”, Sloane (the sister) gives Vanessa Hudgens (who was IN PRINCESS SWITCH) an acorn from a recent trip to ALDOVIA. It’s truly mind-boggling to even begin to comprehend, operating on a level that Marvel’s MCU dares not dream.